trauma counseling

One of the most common questions people ask about trauma therapy is, “If I’ll never forget what happened, what is the point of counseling?” It is an honest question.  What if something has happened to us that is so life-changing, so awful and so sad that there is no way we will ever forget it? Well, that is most certainly true that we experience things that are unforgettable, that they pivoted our life so much that one could feel that there is no reason to rehash it in counseling because it will never be forgotten. 

Look, that most certainly could be true. The cardinal rule as a counselor is that if the client does not have a disruption in their life or if they do not feel like their struggles are affecting, limiting or even damaging their life from those traumatic events than it is certainly not something we are asked to work on with the client. 

But…can you say for certain the traumatic event is not hurting your life today? Robbing you? 

As you watch your children play and are second guessing every motion they are making, as you imagine every bad thing that can happen to them and diligently listen for every car sound in the area to keep them safe…are you truly enjoying seeing them play? 

Do you anchor so much in the job of keeping them safe and trying to predict anything bad from happening that you are robbing yourself of joy? Maybe in fact, our overprotective nature is creating anxiety in our children as they see us “protect.” Or is overprotection creating scenarios where our children believe we do not trust them or believe in their abilities? This hypervigilance – A constant scanning for danger can help us in the moment regulate our nervous system and help us feel in control when we begin feeling out of control. It also can quietly be robbing our ability to enjoy the present moment, and it can be stealing joy from the family members around us.

This disguise of protection that we draw on from our wisdom of awfulness can make us feel wiser than everybody else. We know what it feels like to have a level of fear and loss and the last thing we want is to experience it again or watch a loved one have it happen to them. We know something that others do not…excruciating loss. It is in this knowledge that we can numb our own happiness so we do not experience loss, we can limit experiences in our lives and our loved ones to avoid the possibility of loss all under the disguise of protection. 

We can certainly choose to not seek out counseling because we know we will never forget our trauma…so what would be the point?  

The point is joy. 

I know joy can make you uncomfortable because it often can make you feel you have something that can be lost. You feel joy and it can make you feel like you have dropped your guard, so you better buckle back down to keep the bad things away. If you have gone through trauma, I would like you to ask yourself if you have felt joy recently. If the answer is no that is worth seeking out counseling. Let’s not gauge our life’s success by preventing pain, let’s gauge it by how much joy we find in our day.

Trauma therapy is not about forgetting what happened. It is about helping you experience life without fear stealing every beautiful moment. Trauma doesn't only live in our memories. It can also change the way our nervous system responds to the world. Many people become constantly alert for danger, expecting the worst, or feeling anxious even when they are safe. Trauma therapy helps calm the nervous system so your body can begin to experience safety again. Yes, some experiences are so heartbreaking and life-changing that they become part of our story forever. Trauma counseling is not about erasing those memories. Healing from trauma is about changing how those memories affect your life today.

If you haven't experienced genuine joy in a long time, it may be because your nervous system is still trying to protect you from a pain it never had the chance to heal. Trauma counseling isn't about pretending the past didn't happen. It's about helping you reclaim your present. If unresolved trauma, anxiety, or painful life experiences are keeping you from living fully, working with a trauma therapist can help you rediscover safety, connection, and joy.

Healing doesn't mean forgetting. Healing means remembering without continuing to lose pieces of your life to what happened.